Hey man sorry I got all grabby
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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