Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
