you would pick up someone in the library
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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