I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
