dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
