Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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