That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
