You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
