There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
