her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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