If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
