So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
