So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
