Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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