Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
