He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
