You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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