my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
