I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
