Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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