I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize