Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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