We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
