I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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