Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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