At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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