I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
