how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
