but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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