dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
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