farters have to be the big spoon...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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