he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
