Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
