i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
pray to the hookup gods
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
