There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
