My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
