I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
