Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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