You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
