When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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