She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
