I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
