Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
