Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
