Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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