Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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