I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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