You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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