We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
