her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
