you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
