i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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