ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
