I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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