After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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