i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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