He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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