could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
