I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
