Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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