if you like me you must not know who I am
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize