actually, I'm a sock model
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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