i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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