Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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