I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
