I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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