Yo dont text me then not text me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
