she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
