i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
