Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
