just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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