it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
