I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
