wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
