You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
