He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
