3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
